


in your eyes, i can see the storm coming

by gaygentdanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex is being kinda emo, Established Relationship, F/F, I finally wrote something for these two, Insecurity, Introspection, Light Angst, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 17:17:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaygentdanvers/pseuds/gaygentdanvers
Summary: The words linger.Sometimes, she feels the confession deep in her chest, or at the back of her throat, or on the tip of her tongue, but it's the actual act of saying them that's hard. And it should be so simple, Alex thinks. She can't understand why it isn't, can't understand why it's not enough to justfeelwithout having to struggle—And here's the catch: it's the saying that's difficult, but falling is the easiest thing in the world.





	in your eyes, i can see the storm coming

**Author's Note:**

> So... I've jumped on the Agent Reign ship and now I'm trapped. Finally conjured something up for these two and it just so happens to be a little teeny bit angsty, so. What can I say?

 

the words "i love you" become nothing but noise. but that's why we kiss.  
to say with our lips what we couldn't before.  
  
—  _i wrote this for you._

 

  
Sam says I love you like it's easy.  
  
  
  
She says it when Alex is curled up against her back, pressing lazy kisses to her neck where it and Sam’s shoulders meet. She says it when they go out for ice cream with Ruby after soccer practice, after she leans forward and kisses Alex’s cheek, flashing her a soft, breathtaking smile. And when they make love, she whispers it in Alex’s ear when her hand is sliding up her shirt —  or sometimes it's said right before she comes and she moans out the words, arching up and dragging her nails down Alex’s back.

 

 _I love you_ , she says, and it's easy, because that's all there is to it. Just Alex and Sam and those words between them and things are simple, even if they're not always, and it's nice. Nicer than Alex would have expected it to be, and it makes her feel nicer than she ever thought she could be after her break-up with Maggie. It's just them and those three little words which could probably bring down mountains, Alex thinks, in her moments of hopeless romanticism.

 

But it feels like that sometimes, especially when Sam’s hair is falling in her eyes and their legs are all tangled together and her hand is resting intimately on Alex’s waist, fingers stroking across the bare skin of her hip- and she'll just say it flat-out, without any sort of expectation at all.

 

Then there are the moments when Alex catches herself reaching forward and stroking Sam’s hair in the early morning sunlight, in times when Sam has rolled away and taken all the blankets with her and all Alex can think is, _what if I lose this too?_

 

And it will feel like being crushed, sometimes, as if the ceiling is pressing down on her and pushing all the air out of her lungs.

 

[That feeling is absolutely terrifying.]

 

The thing is, Alex knows —  she _knows_ —  that what she had with Maggie can never be replaced. But she also knows, somewhere in the back of her mind, that things could have gone completely different, and she could've never had this thing with Sam that she has now, and— 

 

 _Hey, come back to me_ , Sam will murmur against her skin, her front now flush against Alex’s back, breath a bit too hot against her skin. She'll know then that she's thinking too much, and she'll kiss at Sam's throat and slip a hand between her thighs, stroking and thrusting until blunt nails dig into her skin and Sam rolls them both over with a smile that always manages to catch Alex off-guard.

 

* * *

 

In the beginning, Alex doesn't say those three words as easily.

 

It's her head that's the issue, because her definitions of love and attraction have always been skewed at the edges, jumbled and distorted in virtue of Eliza Danvers’ impossibly high expectations and her own internalized homophobia. She thinks she might’ve had a better understanding of it all had she not shoved her feelings for Vicky Donahue so far down back in highschool, to the point where she forgot they were even there at all. Had she not forced herself, sober enough to still feel the void in her chest but drunk enough to know she wasn’t going to remember much the next morning, onto different guys at the club every weekend back in grad school.

 

Then she had met Maggie Sawyer in a clash of airport jurisdiction and her heart had skipped a beat —  or at least she thought it did, anyway, because she hadn’t had any lasting, solid memories to compare the feeling to, outside of Kara’s giddy descriptions of how it felt each time she started to like someone.

 

And that’s how it had always been, Alex living vicariously through Kara’s own high school crushes and desperate pining after co-workers. So when Maggie pulled out all the feelings and memories from that box deep in the back of her mind —  the box Alex had deemed impenetrable but could apparently be pried open by a simple, _“you’d be surprised how many gay women I’ve heard that from,”_ —  she had thought for the first time that maybe that’s what she’d been missing, that maybe that’s what Kara had been talking about for all those years.

 

So, all in all, Alex hasn’t had a lot of experience with any of it. She had ignored the memories she convinced herself weren’t real until suddenly they were, and from that point on the only woman she had eyes for were Maggie.

 

[Except now Maggie is gone and suddenly there’s Sam, and Alex feels as though she’s been forced back to square one.]

 

Still, the words linger.

 

Sometimes, she feels the confession deep in her chest, or at the back of her throat, or on the tip of her tongue, but it's the actual act of saying them that's hard. And it should be so simple, Alex thinks. She can't understand why it isn't, can't understand why it's not enough to just _feel_ without having to struggle — 

 

And here's the catch: it's the saying that's difficult, but falling is the easiest thing in the world.

 

When it happens, it does so unexpectedly, catching her by surprise one morning when she's brushing her teeth in the bathroom after Ruby’s been picked up by her friend’s mother. They have the house to themselves, and Sam is still back in the bedroom, sprawled out lazily on the bed in just her bra and pajama pants, humming along to some Christmas song with her eyes closed, and it's in that moment that Alex realizes she's fallen.

 

Fallen into a pattern, fallen into a comfortable state of bliss, fallen into another relationship. And fallen into —  or for, though she's not sure if there's even a distinction at this point — Sam herself.  
  
  


And it’s like there’s something happening inside her chest, because Sam —  Sam, with her sparkling eyes and soft smile, who’s so impossibly _good_ and who probably deserves more than Alex could ever give her  — has snuck past all her defenses and through the ribs that cage her heart in, settling there as though it’s where she belongs. It scares her, almost, just how _easily_ Sam had managed to worm her way into Alex’s heart, and how, deep down, Alex hadn’t made much of an attempt to stop it.

  
  
Love itself should be easy, she thinks. It shouldn't be as scary as it is. Sam makes it look so _easy_ , being able to love Alex, slipping back into a comfortable lull without wondering if maybe tomorrow things won't work out or that they won't somehow turn this into a beautiful sort of fairytale with a perfect ending.

 

So on nights when she's curled up against Sam’s back, pressing kisses to her neck through her hair, she mouths the words against her skin. _I love you._ And Sam doesn't say anything, is already drifting off to sleep, but it's in the way her grip on Alex’s wrist tightens that makes her think that maybe she does understand, that not saying it out loud every time doesn't make it any less true how she feels.

 

Her grip loosening slightly, Sam sighs in her sleep. " _Alex_."

 

Alex interlaces their fingers and pulls on her hand, pressing her lips to Sam’s knuckles. _Yeah_ , she murmurs, pushing up closer next to her. "Yeah," she says. "I'm right here."

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! I live for comments and kudos :)


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